Random thoughts, but not very random, so mostly just thoughts

I've been looking through old pictures the last few days. It catches me off guard to see where I was. I'm 6 weeks away from my year mark on this life change. I am blown away from all the words of encouragement that I have received. I'm grateful for the opportunity that is now mine to share with people my experience and to provide the support that I can to those wanting to make changes for themselves. I am in no way perfect with this whole dieting and exercising thing. I probably have more bad days with the eating then I do good days. I still have some mental blocks that I need to work on to get control of my needing to eat everything in sight. I think I have the exercising down :) But the closer I get to my goal weight, the hard it's going to be to be lose that weight. This means working harder and being more diligent with what I'm eating.

I have been having some pain in my hip from running. I was "diagnosed" with gluteus medius tendonitis. So the gluteus medius is part of your butt muscle, that connects onto your hip (thus causing the pain). I've been going to physical therapy every week for the past month. I haven't been running on it for 6 weeks (as all you on facebook can attest to). Today I got the all clear. I still need to take it easy, I have to change how I'm running. Previously I have been taking longer strides and landing on my heels. This causes more of a jarring effect and doesn't help engaging the glutes. So now I have to take shorter strides and land more midfoot. My physical therapist had me practice today on the treadmill. It's awkward at first, but I can definitely tell the difference.

I'm heading home in 5 weeks to spend time with the family. It's so great to not be stressing out about fitting in my seat on the plane. That's me. I'm always worried about what other people think of me. I probably had mini heart attacks every time I got on the plane and just making up what every one was thinking about me. Through this short time I have come to realize how blessed I am to have such great friends and family who have loved me no matter what size I am. Truly, truly blessed.

I feel like I'm no longer trapped in an unhealthy body. I can definitely do more things than I've been able to do in the past. My friend keeps reminding me that I'm an athlete now. I would have never used that word to describe me. I have to get my workouts in. I just feel so much better. It is such a relief to be able to run again. I've been able to make more friends at the gym, so it's really just turned into one big party.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, other people/things can make you want to change (I want to lose weight for my kids, I want to lose weight to fit in that bikini, etc), but I feel that if you're really going to make a life long change you have to do it for yourself. I wanted to change because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had put myself through too much. I remember my dad telling me when I was in High School that he didn't want to bury me before I buried him. I know.. a little harsh, but even that didn't get me to change. I had bariatric surgery because my mom and grandma thought it would be a good idea. I wasn't ready, I thought it would be a quick fix and things would be awesome in 6 months. I found out that ice cream went down awesomely and gained everything back and then some. With the right diet and exercise you get to eat what your body needs and ALL the endorphins on top of that. I love getting stronger and seeing the changes in my body. I have triceps! And they're not under layers of fat! You should see my quads! I can leg press a whole set of weights. I've knocked off 50 pounds on the assisted pull ups machine. Okay.. now I'm bragging. But it feels SO GOOD! okay. that's all. I love you. I love you all!