Progress

So the last couple of weeks have gone pretty well for me gym and dieting-wise. I've had the occaisional meltdown (one cupcake, 2 sugar cookies AND a slice of dark chocolate cake all within 5hours), but for the most part it's been pretty good. As mentioned earlier, when I updated my weight on myfitnesspal.com it took me from 1990 calories to 1570 per day. I actually haven't been able to stay below 1570 since it changed; I'm staying pretty close, but it's more like 1700. The scale is still moving down so I'm okay with that for now. I have a tendancy of NEEDING chocolate around 3pm so that usually doesn't help.

I've actually surprised myself with being able to stay focused and on track at the gym. I finished my personal training sessions a few weeks ago so I have to make up my own workouts. I did a leg workout on Monday and my hamstrings are killing me. It's fun to know that I can kick my own butt. I think I bruised my tailbone going to the spinning class last week. It hurts SO bad! We were doing core work last night in bootcamp and all the pressure just killed. I had to modify it so I wouldn't start crying.

Speaking of modifications.. I think that's my number one challenge right now. I've been going to bootcamp classes on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Sure I can do some of the exercises, but I also need to modify a lot of them. And then I feel like I should be able to do them so I feel bad when I can't. Sometimes when the trainer shows us the next exercise I automatically think "There's no way I can do that" so I just do something else instead. I need to get over that fear. I'm improving on a weekly basis. I need to at least try before giving up on myself. But then I feel badly when I can't complete the exercise, or if it takes me longer than everyone else, I feel like I'm holding them back. I know. That's just how I think/feel. Again, something that I need to work on.

Last night in bootcamp we were running around the room for a warm up. I usually don't have a hard time running and what not, but for some reason, last night was tough. It didn't help that my now lose stomach skin fat was jiggling everywhere. It actually almost hurt. I called my insurance the other day to get the whole skin removal surgery process underway (cause I'm definitely going to need it). They said it's not covered at all. I'll have to fill out an appeals form to get it approved and who knows how that will turn out. It's still going to be a while, but it'd be nice to know how much I'm going to have to fork over. Right now it will be my arms, stomach and inner thighs. The goal is to get to 200 and then have all that removed, which will probably take me to my goal weight (there's a lot of skin) I guess only time will tell.

Thank you all for your compliments, support, love and encouragement. I really, truely appreciate all of it! I'm so thankful that this mind/body change has happened and that I'm able to share this journey with you. I have fears that I'm annoying people with my facebook statuses, blogposts and daily conversation. In all honesty, this is everything that is consuming my life. So I'm sharing it, hoping that whatever took control of my life, might some how help others make the necessary changes in theirs so that they can be happy and healthy and start again to love life. It's still a work in progress, but I'm really liking the results.