I think I've already mentioned my incessant need to weigh myself. This is my typical schedule.. wake up, empty bladder, weigh, work, weigh (different scale), gym, weigh, dinner, weigh, plus probably a couple other times throughout the day. It's worse on the weekends, trust. So I decided (along with others) that this is not healthy. Who would have thought.
I had Kayla hide my scale on last week. I actually almost have anxiety over not being able to weigh myself multiple times, but I think it's for the better. I was so caught up with reaching 299 last week, and then, when I failed to do so, I basically lost it.
I cracked this morning. I asked Kayla to get the scale out, just so that I can see. I don't want to miss the 299 mark, even if seeing 297 next week is better. I can only give up one thing at a time! So she got the scale out with my back turned, and then sat on the stairs while I weighed myself in the bathroom. I told her she could just go and hide it again when she got home, but she wanted to be there to personally hear the shouts of joy. Alas, it was not meant to be. But, I'm totally okay with it. I'm that much closer. Maybe by the end of the week. I have such a great parole officer!
6 comments:
That *is* a lot of weighing. I weigh myself once a day and keep a little chart, but on the days that I forget and eat something before I've weighed myself I won't weigh myself because I don't want to throw off the numbers. I think Eric weighs himself at least a couple of times a day...I should pay more attention. Maybe he has a problem. :)
I don't even own a scale. I use my moms when I go visit her. But that's problematic because I end up eating tons when I'm at her house... You know how moms food is always the best. But I know I'm losing weight when my pants fit better. Although I have been going the opposite direction lately... :)
I stumbled on your blog. Good luck on your quest; this is quite an achievement. Here's the thing. You will eventually find comfort in your increased ability to choose. This ability will grow stronger every day you keep on this path. Whether or not you make it to the gym or make the active decision not to eat the third cookie. You've very clearly shown God and His angels that you CAN do this. Even whilst continuing to enjoy the food you've always loved.
Above all, DO NOT fear 'losing yourself' in this process. After you have hit your goal, you will be perfectly free and capable of returning to your current state if that is what you decide to do. Goals are targets. They are not states of ecstasy. Work your hardest to hit your weight goal and gauge how it feels for a few months. If you don't like the final results, then by all means, start eating the third cookie again. Your friends and family will not consider you a failure, they will simply know it was your choice and they will continue to love you as they always have. You will not have lost a thing from what is clearly a strong and wonderful personality.
You. Can. Do. This.
Thank you for your words of encouragement! You really brought up some good points that I need to remember.
Yeah.. I'm a bit obsessive. If you notice Eric weighing himself frequently, please get him help as soon as possible. It might save his life! :)
Parents' houses are always dangerous :) You just feel so comfortable there and the food is so good (I should know!) It's always nice to not have to lay on your bed to button your pants! One day at a time Jess, one day at a time!
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