Some improvement, weekend plans and a funny or two

I walked around Liberty Park last night for my exercise. It was really nice to be outside. I'm pretty sure I walked faster being 80lbs lighter. It didn't seem to take me as long. I tried running a little bit, but with not being able to really pace myself I was winded after about 15 seconds. I decided that running on the treadmill will probably help me with the pacing and be able to build my endurance.

I went to dinner with friends last night. I love when everything is just chill, hang out, and conversations aren't forced. It's so relaxing. My cousin is visiting me on Friday. Saturday I have tickets to the So You Think You Can Dance tryouts. Saturday I get to hang with my very own honey badger Jen (woot woot) and Sunday a chilled girls' night at Alicia's! It's going to be a packed weekend, but I can't wait!

Let me preface this next part with the following: I love my dad. He has done so much for me. I know he loves me immensely and would never say or do anything intentionally to hurt me. A few days ago I was talking to my dad about my weight loss. He said something about how he better get on the ball or else he would be the family fattie. It took me until today to realize that he had called me fat. He was totally kidding and it really made me laught. Especially that I just remembered the conversation, 4 days later. Oh well. That's me.

I had two nights of dreams about going to the prom. Anyone want to guess what that means? Different dates, different schools, different dresses.. but I still looked hot! haha

My thoughts on the matter at hand

I'm not going to lie. I was expecting to hit the 299 mark 3 weeks ago. I'm not going to dwell on that though. It is such a great feeling. Today I was seriously on cloud 9. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I know that I have still have a long way to go, but if I can make it to this point (and survive waiting 3 weeks for my body to kick into gear), I think that I can continue on to my ultimate goal.

A lot of people have asked how far I'm going to go, what number on the scale will end this madness. Right now I'm aiming for 175, but I honestly can't remember a time that I was that weight. Heck, I can't remember the time I was at 299. My "healthy weight" range is 136-178. A part of me wants to work towards 150, but again, I don't know where I'm going to be when I hit this weight and how I'll feel. I'm just going to take it day by day, month by month, and see where I end up. As long as I'm happy and healthy I can't really complain :) I have more energy, more happiness, and my self esteem is on the rise. I have had serious issues with self esteem my entire life. I love this transformation. I love the new Erin and I am so anxious/excited for future Erin.

Words can't express the love and support I have felt from everyone. It means so much to me. You really have buoyed me up, especially this last month. I love all the comments (I'm a comment whore, but I think everyone who has a blog has a part of comment whore in them).

So here we go, onward and upward. I made a deal with Matt that once I reach 299 (any part of 299) I will bring my scale in to him. Well, it's all ready to go. There's a scale at the gym, but I'm going to try to only weight myself once a week. I get too caught up with the numbers. However, next stop is 100 pounds! Who's going to party with me? Seriously, there will definitely be a party!

Oh and here is the photo proof :)

75 pics

Like I've said earlier... it's been a rough couple of weeks. My scales have only fluctuated a pound here a pound there. I thought February HAD to be better than January. I don't think I'll be meeting my goal this month, but I feel a lot better and my clothes seriously no longer fit me. I went shopping yesterday and found a couple items on clearance, plus I had a coupon. I also bought some work pants, size 22 (5 pant sizes baby!) because I am not going to be wearing dresses the rest of the weight loss journey.

So here you go, here's pics for 75. I probably shouldn't have worn a poofy shirt with a cardigan, but I'm pretty sure you'll still be able to the gist.

I was going to wait until I hit 299, but that's only in 4 pounds. Plus this is legitimately 75 pounds.

Let's remind ourselves the before...

And at present..

scales

So I haven't lost any weight in almost 3 weeks. I'm going a little crazy. Last week I had Kayla hide my scales so I wouldn't weigh myself multiple times a day. They're back out and I'm back to weighing myself 3ish times a day.. which is bad, but better than what I was doing (if you can imagine that). Matt lectured me again last night and we struck a deal. Once I reach 299 I have to bring in my scale. He is keeping it hostage until who knows when. We will weigh once a week at the gym (but the scale is availabe there so I :can: weigh everyday if I want.
I mentioned this to my friend at work. She sent me this picture.

I think I'll be able to survive the withdrawals from not being able to weigh myself everyday. I'm just SO focused on numbers. I need numbers. Numbers tell me what I'm doing, how I'm progressing. Matt says the numbers don't matter in the long run, it's how you feel. I feel better when I see the numbers that I want to see :)

quick notes

I was in the breakroom today, said "Hi" to a girl that I have been working with since being at Intermountain (3 1/2 years). She said hi and then kind of stood back, realized who it was, and said that she hardly recognized me and how good I looked! YAY. She told me that she had had lap band and lost 50 pounds, but gained most of it back (exactly what I did, but gained back more).

I know I've said this before, but I love my newly re-found collar bones. And I love my slowly redefined arms. If you see me, you'll probably notice me subconciously feeling my arms. Yes, I love them that much. If you're around I'll probably make you feel them too.

I love that painting my toenails is no longer an aerobic exercise.

Ideas? Suggestions? Tips?

I have a question for everyone. I am having a really hard time with the whole self control thing. Yesterday I got some Rocher Ferrera (?) chocolates from my parents for Valentines day. Did they last more than 4 hours? Yes, they did, but that's because I left them in my car while I went to a movie. But during the movies I ate popcorn and shared some M&Ms with Katelyn. I just feel that when the sweets come around I can't seem to stop. I can brush it off for awhile, but then continually crave it until I fill that craving, or miraculously get my mind off of it. What do you do when you have those intense cravings? How do you not eat a whole bag of M&Ms in one sitting? What stops you from eating the package of Oreos (I'm looking at you, Janelle). I feel like my appetite has just been all over the place the last week and I'm looking to find some more control. Thanks!

The first step is admitting you have a problem

I think I've already mentioned my incessant need to weigh myself. This is my typical schedule.. wake up, empty bladder, weigh, work, weigh (different scale), gym, weigh, dinner, weigh, plus probably a couple other times throughout the day. It's worse on the weekends, trust. So I decided (along with others) that this is not healthy. Who would have thought.

I had Kayla hide my scale on last week. I actually almost have anxiety over not being able to weigh myself multiple times, but I think it's for the better. I was so caught up with reaching 299 last week, and then, when I failed to do so, I basically lost it.

I cracked this morning. I asked Kayla to get the scale out, just so that I can see. I don't want to miss the 299 mark, even if seeing 297 next week is better. I can only give up one thing at a time! So she got the scale out with my back turned, and then sat on the stairs while I weighed myself in the bathroom. I told her she could just go and hide it again when she got home, but she wanted to be there to personally hear the shouts of joy. Alas, it was not meant to be. But, I'm totally okay with it. I'm that much closer. Maybe by the end of the week. I have such a great parole officer!