September Review - and some final thoughts

So I think I'm caught up. I went through the month of September thinking, "I need to blog about this, I need to blog about that". Here I am. I hope I remember everything that I thought about. September was a very hard month for me, weight loss wise. I don't want to make excuses because if I really would have put the required work into my diet then I don't think I would have had the results I did (I gained 2 lbs in September). I had my 1yr Anniversary party, my birthday weekend, KC's birthday, and 3 weeks of program at work. I think I gave up mentally for the month of September. Sometimes when you work on something for so long you need a break. Mine just happened to be a little longer than normal.

My workouts weren't the best they could have been. If I didn't want to do strength training, I would just run. But then running so much flared up my plantar fasciitis, so that was also out of the question. When you love doing something (running) and then an injury prevents you from doing that, it makes working out that much harder. I had to sit out or do regressions during boot camp. Sometimes just walking was painful. But I think it's almost gone. In fact, I just got back from running 3 miles and it didn't bother me one bit.

I told Matt that I didn't want to do measurements for October. I knew they were going to bad. I knew I hadn't pushed myself as hard as I had in the past and I didn't want the disappointment. If we're going to do measurements then I'm not supposed to warm up beforehand. If you're warmed up, then you've probably already broken a sweat and the blood is flowing into the muscles, making the measurements not as accurate. I knew this. So the first session of October I gladly hopped on the treadmill when I got to the gym. I don't think Matt was too happy. We did a great leg workout (seriously, I was sore for 5 days afterwards). On the Smiths machine, he kept adding 25lb plates after each set. I told him, ever so nicely, that I hated him. He ever so kindly replied with, "Why? Because I push you to your potential?" Which is 110%. I need to be better at pushing myself, adding more weight on my own workouts. It is so great to have someone there who really does push me, gets me out of my comfort zone, and keeps me accountable.

After the workout he made me at least weigh (that's why I know I was up 2 lbs). And this was after the workout, who knows what it would have been if I had weighed before I lost all the water weight. Again, I knew inside everything that I had done the month previously that had caused the weight gain. It was now up to me to realize what I had done and make the necessary changes. I don't every want this to happen again. I may have started to cry a little bit. I felt like a complete loser, like everything that I had worked for had been for naught. But now thinking about that, it has given me the strength and empowerment to push on and to reach my final goals.

I really wish for any of you reading this that are discouraged with your weight loss goals, fitness goals, or any other life changing goals that I could take away the disappointment and hard times. I want you to know that it's worth it. It's worth the hard work, it's worth the bad weigh ins, it's worth skipping out on the bags of Halloween candy (I know, I can't believe I just said that). We can do it. I still have a lot of work to do. I still have my eating to get under control, it's something that I have to work on every day. But I have received so much support and strength from SO MANY PEOPLE that there is no way I can give up. I've come way too far. I went to my doctor the other day. She said my goal weight should be 210, with my height and build. You guys, that's only 40 pounds away. ONLY 40 POUNDS! I just hit 249. I never, in a million years, thought I would be to this weight. The goal is within sight. It's attainable. I just need to get out of my own head and stop being my worst critic. Enough.

And now to finish October strong and proud!

Birthday and Dirty Dash

For some reason, I've always wanted to spend the weekend up in Park City, relaxing, hanging out, and having a dang good time with friends. I decided that I was going to make this happen, once and for all! And what better time to do this than for my birthday! I got a killer deal through my work for the Newpark Hotel. I would say the only downside to the hotel was that it was 6 whole miles away from Main Street. And maybe the fridge wasn't stocked. It was SO nice! We got a townhome for the weekend. It came with 2 bedrooms and a pull out couch, 3 full bathrooms, a private hot tub, fully stocked kitchen (minus food in the fridge), a GARAGE, and just good vibes. Seriously, the good vibes were listed as an accomodation in the brochure.. okay, maybe not.

Master bedroom. The bed was a little more
firm than I like. I loved the deck outside.



Private Hot Tub! So nice!!! It definitely was
only a two person tub.







Lovely living room

Perfect Fall View



 I got out of work early that Friday and made a stop over at the Driver's License department (because my license expired on my birthday, sad). I have to say though, I totally won the driver's license picture contest. Ask me if you see me. I'll proudly show it to you! It only took me an hour and then we were on our way to Park City. 

Friday night was spent eating really good food at Redrock and relaxing in the hot tub. We went to bed early so that we could be ready for the fun that was and isThe Dirty Dash. I signed up for the DD a few months ago, thinking that it would be a great birthday present to me to show to myself the progress that I have made.

So cold!!! We were anxious for the run to begin!

I was originally scheduled to race at 11, but KC was scheduled to race at 9, so I tagged along with him. By tag along, I mean we started at the same time. I knew I would be running this thing by myself. I was set for 5 miles. I could run 5 miles and with the obstacles in between, that made less amount of running. BUT, the distance wasn't accurate. You had a 5K or a 10K option. So it was 6.2 miles including obstacles, so you were basically running the full 5 miles, and it was mostly uphill. Not cool. My goal was to complete the 10K. I wasn't concerned with running the whole thing (especially with some serious plantar fasciitis), but I was going to complete the course.

The crazy people behind me were going under the pipes. Crazy people!!!

I stayed on the side to make sure I wasable to keep my balance

The final mud trudge

The final damage (I showered 3 times)

The first 500 meters I kept thinking WHAT HAVE I DONE!! WHY DID I DO THIS?? THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO BE ABLE TO FINISH. And then reality kicked in, I was here for a reason, I could do however much I could. I didn't have to do ALL of the obstacles, but I was going to make it to the end. When I got to the half way point a little voice inside me told me that was enough, I could quit and be proud of myself for going this far. Although I was proud of myself for getting that far, I knew I wouldn't be satisfied until I completed the whole thing, so I trudged on. Up more hills, through more mud pits, over hay bails, through tires, crawling through pipe tunnels. I finally made it to the glorious water slide. Such sweet relief!! I thought that was the finish, but low and behold, they make you trudge through another mud pit, guaranteeing a final, thoroughly muddy finish. And that was it! I finished in 1 hour 40 minutes. And I'm pretty proud of myself for that. Registration for 2013 is January 2nd. You know where I'll be :)

KC and I went back to the hotel to recover from the race (me for than him). Emily and Jake came up and we all went to dinner at at Oishu Sushi and Grill, right off of Main Street. It was so good! So fresh and flavorful. It was a great dinner for sure! Afterwards we walked up to No Name Bar and Grill and waited for Cassidy met up with us and then until the appropriate time to hit the club. I will say, you meet some seriously entertaining people when you're out on the town. We ended the night at Downstairs and got our dance on. Perfect ending to a perfect day! I have the best friends!

Thirty was indeed a great year for me. I made a lot of changes in my life, changes that will hopefully extend said life. Here's hoping that 31 will be even more eventful (for the better).



Celebration time

 So I like to throw parties. I haven't had one in a long time, but I felt that the 1 year anniversary of me starting this new life was a good reason behind the madness. I am so blessed to have so many people in my life who have been so extremely supportive throughout my life, but especially this past year. It was fun having friends from the gym, my sisters, and friends who have been there throughout my life. What an amazing night.



KC is my gym bff. We both have trainers so we know the pain
and suffering that each are put through on a regular basis.
We also go to BodyPump and BootCamp together.
It is so great having someone who gets what you're going
through and is so supportive. Although we're working towards
opposite goals (for the time being) we're able to push each other
and offer support when needed. Best Gym Buddy EVER!





I saved my "beginning" pants. I can fit both of my
into one of the pant legs. I wanted to get me and Stacey
into the pants, but it didn't work this time around.
Maybe for my 2 year anniversary



It is a horrible picture, but here are the few remaining people from the party. I really had a great time sitting around and talking with everyone, catching up, and feeling so supportive from all the love and encouragement. I couldn't have asked for better friends.

So there you have it. A party for me that wasn't on my birthday. I am so blessed to have so many wonderful and amazing people in my life. The support and encouragement I have received from so many of you have truly made this journey easier. It's hard for me to see the progress on a regular basis, but your comments here and on facebook remind me of all the hard work I have put into this new life. I don't accept compliments very well, it's something I've never been good at doing, but I really do appreciate them. (not fishing for compliments, just stating the truth) I am beyond impressed by those who make these kind of life changes without any support in their lives. Here's to another fabulous year!

Hello? Hello? Anyone there??

#2 reason why I'm not a professional blogger.. I can not be consistant to save my life. I kept thinking this past month I need to blog about this, or I need to blog about that. I was going to do individual posts about everything, but if you feel up for the challenge I have decided to just do one big, exhaustive post. Are you comfortable? Got your snacks? Maybe you should go ahead and silent your phone. Ready, set...

It all goes back to a little over a month ago.. September 6th to be exact. This was my 1 year celebration at the gym. I had a training session with Matt - and for some strange reason I was super stressed about it. I had heard rumors that he had asked multiple people for ideas on what "we" should do. It just seemed that I was going to be walking into a torture chamber. He told me to stop worrying, that it was going to be one of the easiest workouts ever. Lies I tell you, pure lies.

Anyway, as I was driving to the gym I had a small conversation with... myself..

Self 1: Wouldn't it be cool if they had a sign for you when you got to the gym.
Self 2: That's crazy, they wouldn't have a sign.
Self 1: You're right, but that would be cool.

So I parked and walked and what would you know, they had a sign for me :) Cassidy and Stacey personalized a congratulations sign. I may have teared up. I was running late so I hurried in and changed.

A sign, flowers, and a card. They love me

We actually had to do measurements that day. Matt had challenged me the month before to guess what my weight would be at this measurement. He said that if I was within a pound I would get a free session. My final guess was 252. If my memory is correct, I believe when I weighed I was 253.3, so SO close. My measurements were all sorts of off, but I wasn't really concerned. Then the workout began. It was actually pretty neat. Matt kept my first workout and we did those weights. It was so weird/cool to see the progress I've made. I don't have the actual weights, but doing leg extensions and leg curls I started at a 2 and now, for the most part, I'm at an 8. On the leg press I started out at a 4, and now I can actually do the whole stack (I think it maxes out at 330lbs). We went on and did chest press, shoulder press, triceps, biceps and lats, all ridiculously light. I'm a machine. Hahahaha. Then we got to the serious business. I actually have blocked out what we did, I'm pretty sure it was arms, but I remember being sore for the next few days. Matt wanted me to weigh again and I was down to 251.8. I made the weight goal (with some extra water loss)!

I truly believe in fate, in the stars alligning, in that perfect timing. When I decided to get my weight under control a year ago, I didn't shop around when it came to what gym I was going to join. I got online, looked up 24 Hour Fitness, got a free trial, called to make an appointment for that night, came in, met with Kate, who then set me up Matt and we starting training that night. It's the best decision I have ever ever made. I've been a member of many a gyms, but this is the only one that I have felt that I belong. I have made so many friends and absolutley LOVE going. I don't feel out of place. I don't feel awkward using the free weights with all the guys, and I just feel like this was meant to be, as cheesy as that sounds.

So maybe I am going to split these all up.. make sure to check back.

Today's thank you's

Ala Jimmy Fallon, here are some of my "thank yous" for the day

Thank you grass allergies. I used anti-itch cream on my legs this morning, instead of lotion. two birds, one stone.

Thank you red light on 400 south for keeping me humble. No one should ever make all green lights on the way to work.

Thank you heel for reminding me that I really don't want to be a pirate. Limping sucks.

Thank you random late night snacks. I really enjoyed those crazy dreams last night.

Thank you "hot cups" for not really keeping the hot items hot, but for thoroughly burning my hands.

Thank you office A/C (and home A/C while we're at it) for allowing me the opportunity to pretend I lived in the Arctic.

Thank you BootCamp, BodyPump and my own workout, for letting me live the term "dead arm"

What are you thank yous for the day?

Me - One year ago - continued

Technically this was me a year and one day ago, but I was celebrating yesterday. deal with it :)

A year ago I had had enough. Something finally clicked. I had to do something, I had to do now, and I had to do it for me. I was just about ready to turn 30 and tipped the scales at 378, the largest I had ever every been. I told myself there was no way I would get to 400.

I was researching the local gyms online when I got to 24hourfitness.com. One of the online people popped up on my screen and sent me a 7 day free trial pass. When I got home I called the gym. I talked to Kate, one of the membership people. I told her my story, my struggle with my weight, how I needed to work with someone who would keep me accountable, challenge me, but not kill me. I made an appointment to meet with them 20 minutes later. I walked in, got a tour of the facility, set up my membership and signed up with a personal trainer.

For the first 9 months I worked out with Matt twice a week. The with thing is a lie. He told me what to do and I did it. The other days I would rotate between cardio and strength training. Six days a week (sometimes 7) I would be at the gym for at least 90 minutes. I had to. It made me feel better. It made me happier and gave me more energy. It still does.

I went in to see my doctor in April. Complete clean bill of health. She took me off my anti depressant medication and was so thrilled for me. I ran my first 5K in May. I volunteered for Spartan Race in June (so I can see what I'm getting myself into when I sign up to run it next year). I was on the injured list for 2 months while dealing with some tendonitis. It stopped me from running, but I was still able to use the elliptical and strength train.

I now meet with Matt once every other week (they get expensive, but totally worth it). I've added boot camp and body pump to my training schedule along with the regular strength training and cardio days. KC makes sure I go to Boot Camp even though I feel like I'm going to die each time. Matt sat down with me a couple weeks ago to make sure I had everything set up with my schedule. Apparently you're supposed to work out the full body evenly.. something about not wanting to have uneven hamstrings or biceps..

I'm still working on my eating habits. I definitely notice the difference my body feels when I'm eating healthier. It kind of goes in shock whenever I over do it on the sugar. If I could still get my sweet tooth under control things would be a lot better! This journey has definitely been more than just a physical one. I have grown mentally, emotionally and have overcome more obstacles that I personally had set up for myself.  I am so blessed to have the support, love, and encouragement from everyone around me. I have made new friends, strengthened old relationships and shared my story with complete strangers. I have gained confidence and self esteem that I have always wanted. I'm not hiding. I still have a ways to go, but it's definitely worth it and it's definitely attainable. Thanks for reading my story.

Me - One year ago

I'm sure I've shared this before, but at this time, it's worth mentioning again
http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/my-weight-loss-journey/

I always had a weight problem. I love using past tense. Granted I have a ways to go, but not nearly as far as this time last year. A year ago today, I was miserable. I was morbidly obese. My body could have given out on me at any moment. I was depressed. I lived my life vicariously through others, because I didn't have the energy or strength to do what they were doing. I lied to myself that it wasn't "that bad".  I got more stretching done just by trying to tie my shoes. I got winded walking up the 15 steps to leave my house each morning. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I ate to celebrate good things. I ate to comfort myself during the bad times. I wasn't feeding myself, I was feeding my emotions. I spent 8 hours sitting at a desk at work and then came home and sat in front of the TV/computer for another 6 hours before I would go to bed.

I didn't have a miserable childhood. I was happy, really. I knew I was different, that I had other challenges than most kids. This was made clear to me when I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting when I was 7. I don't blame my mom. She had 3 other kids at the time. She had tried losing weight herself and helping me and didn't know of any other resources. The problem was that no one else in the family had a weight problem. I vividly remember going to a meeting with my mom and then coming home to the family eating ding dongs and ho hos. They told me I couldn't have any because I was on a diet. They probably have no idea how this effected me. It's defintely something that has stuck with me. I was talking to my mom while I was home this last month. She apologized for not doing more to help me lose weight earlier. I can't blame her for the extra eclair that I snuck, or using all my babysitting money on peanut butter cups and m&ms.

I was never able to get control on my weight and it just got progressively out of control the older I got. More weight meant less activities. More weight meant bigger clothes. Bigger clothes meant shopping in the old ladies section. Old ladies section meant Erin was not looking good. Seriously. I went through some high school pictures this last week. My eyes burned.

I made peace with myself. I made peace that I would never be healthy, never be skinny, and that I just needed to make due with what life had given me. How sad. Being overweight was going to be my challenge. It was what I had to deal with. I would rather be overweight then have x problem or x problem.

Then 2007 rolled around. I was at the highest weight I had every been, 350 lbs. (who can ever say they're happy at 350lbs). My grandma found a doctor who specialized in Bariatric surgery, specifically the Lap-Band. I talked it over with my parents, went in for a consultation, and because I was un-insured i.e. no red tape, the surgery was done 2 weeks later. It was the best/worst 6 months of my life. I lost 50lbs like that. I had more energy. I was losing weight, despite what I ate. I started going to the gym. But I hadn't made any mental/emotional progress. I found out soon enough that Ben & Jerry's goes through that smaller stomach super nice. And if I wanted to eat more, all it took was another glass of water. Soon enough I had gained back the 50 lbs and an additional 25, just for kicks.

Last July we went on a family vacation to Florida. I thought that I looked so good in my new swimsuit. I have photographic proof that that was not the case. I was getting to the moment where I knew I was not going to be able to live in my current physical state.. at least not for long. I wanted to be able to do more, I wanted to actually look good in a swimming suit. I wanted to want to have pictures taken of me. I wanted to be able to do anything without questioning whether or not I was going to make it. I never wanted to have to back out from playing sports, hiking, biking, etc because I simply couldn't. That was me a year ago today. To be continued... tomorrow :)